The Refresh Button.

It just takes a quick press of a button, and things that seemed stagnant or stuck, become more fluid in presentation. The Writing Center experience hit a bit of a snag for me last week, but with a little confidence and a healthy body, this week turned out to be a lot better. First and foremost, I got to sit in on another consultation. Re was gracious to let me sit down in relative anonymity, and get another glimpse into the consulting process. The first thing I noticed was how Re went out of her way to make the writer feel at ease. It can be just as, if not more stressful for the writer in this process, as the fear of being judged by a jury of your peers is instilled in us at quite a young age. However, with a bit of disarming humor and a quick change of focus onto what the writer wanted out of the session, Re got the ball rolling. Re also utilized a relaxed approach to body language, thus keeping the girl from being overwhelmed by an "overeager writing beaver." Re read the piece out loud, taking the time to applaud the writer for turns of phrase which made the piece pop. The piece was a look into an idealize future career ten years down the road, and Re remarked on how well the piece displayed the girl's passion for the fairytale job as trombone player for the Boston Pops. She used these positives as a building block, effectively weaving in constructive criticisms in a manner that didn't come off as aggressive, or just plain mean. Giving her ideas which she needed to flesh out (i.e. references to where she started as a musician, crises of confidence which lead to new-found focus, etc.), Re got the writer fully engaged with her 2 page paper, sending her off with a smile and an overarching sense of diligence.
Watching this consultation got me to a point where my blood was jumping. I want a piece of this pie! Going over this week's reading, which is all about the intricate "blood and guts" details that make the consultation process "mucky," I felt ready to attack "higher order concerns" with a "active listening" style (10 POINTS for reading references :)). With a bit of providence hitting the Liberal Arts building, my fellow 303er, Mr. Ryan White, came in in need of assistance with his English 424 paper on the first chapter of Moby Dick. He was having a hard time kicking his own butt into gear, and was in need of help with the brainstorming process. I let him read is skeleton outline of what he wanted to say (remarking on the apathetic, depressive, suicidal nature of the protagonist), and we began our process trying to think of a thesis which encompassed all these qualities in an effective character study. With a bit of back and forth, and a lot of open ended questions on my part, we hit a proverbial "a-HA!" moment about 15 minutes in. Instead of Ishmael running away because he feared life, it was because he held a sense of disdain for the known qualities of life, be it death, taxes, or anything else, which fueled him to manifest his anger by running away on a whaling voyage. After working out a few more of the kinks, Ryan remarked "I figured you were the right person to talk to about this stuff," and began flying into his compositional process with a jumper cable blast. This was a neat feeling for me, and if this is part of what is in store, than I am anxious to get on with it....after my trip. :)

At Home He's A Tourist.

I come into this entry a little bit perplexed about what to bring into focus. My last experience in the Center was a tad underwhelming, and as I talked about in class, I had come down with a slight case of the "square peg, round hole." However, the more I look at it from an objective standpoint, the more I realize the areas I need to work on, to make this a rewarding experience.
I battle a form of degenerative arthritis which, some days, makes it a little tough to jump out of bed like a Tigger on speed. Coupled with an immune system like a spaghetti strainer, I have been physical disarray the past several weeks. This isn't a plea for pity, but a call to my own self, to basically "suck it up and live it up." Despite how antisocial I feel during the worst of it, it is my grand scheme to turn a negative into a positive perspective bent. I want to help people. I want to give people the tools which, sometimes, I felt I took for granted. From a young age, writing came naturally. I used to write up everything, from Billy Joel album reviews (We Didn't Start The Fire like a mutha!), to full-on imaginary paper ball baseball leagues(don't ask). Passion for the written word came stock with me, and I want to utilize this fact in such a way, as to give others a chance to feel that tickle in their spine when the (almost) perfect paragraph comes together.
So, where does this flighty concept of altruism fit into the concrete world of the Center? Firstly, what are we as consultants except windows into our writers and their own mental processes? No matter how much ego we have about our own unique sets of discourse skills, the only thing which matters is whether or not we help them. Our job is clear. Take a set of question marks, and instead of answering them, we need to give the writer insight into how they can answer them. From what I have seen so far, this is a daunting and never-ending tasks. No two consultations unfold in the same matter, and no two people will come out of the Center with the same exact feeling. I liken it to one of my main vices, the cruel mistress of poker. Even if you play your hand in the "correct mathematical manner" ten times out of ten, you still will get burned once in awhile. It's how you react to the negative experiences, whether or not you let it shake you out of your fundamental objective self, that makes you a better poker player, consultant, or person. The fact of me feeling "out of sorts" for one ninety minute experience does not mean I have any intentions to mail it in, or even quit. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Having an experience where the all-encompassing goal felt muddled and cumbersome, makes me want to clear it up that much more. This time in the Center is my chance to battle my own inhibiting preconceptions, and put the fruits of that labor to use for the only goal that matters; helping students.

Bleeps and Bloops.

Sometimes, we as human beings forget the innate joy which comes from the simple act of embracing confusion. Giving up the illusion of control, in order to just ride the crashing waves to where they may lead, is an essential piece of the wonderment of life. Diving into this education thing, I am experiencing a version of this disorienting concept. Sleep is fleeting, life is charging in from all sides, and I am smiling nonetheless. Here is where I begin my journey into the world of Writing Center consulting. Despite my predisposition to mentally bouncing off of cumulus clouds, the reality and rush of this new experience is starting to shake me down to the concrete.
My second visit to the Writing Center was exponentially more eventful than the first. Invited to go along on a class visit, I immediately came to blows with one of my internal tics. I have an odd form of selective social anxiety, usually brought about by situations where I either; a) feel out of control, b) are out on display in a new context, and/or c) have to feign expertise. However, this occasion was very different. I enjoyed the opportunity of playing a small part in the process of getting our center out into the university consciousness. Despite my inability to stand still during the presentation, I felt very comfortable with the situation as a whole. This is probably due to the fact that I have a strong conviction in regards to the work I will be doing as a consultant. Writing holds a huge weight in my life, along with my internal/external processes. I feel excited to be able to share this passion in a constructive manner, meeting people from all walks of life, and bouncing my perspective off of them, hopefully receiving interesting results and reciprocation. This idea is throwing a roadblock in front of my normal idiotic insecurities, and is giving me access to a vital, new form of self-expression.
Now, on to the juice of the day. My first sit-in on a consultation was an eye-opening and, surprisingly, comfortable experience. The first thing I noticed was how similar this could be to my life as a salesperson. We are selling the idea to these writers, that they have the internal tools to improve and add dimensions to their writing. Through basic engagement and connection, we have the opportunity to cause mini-epiphanies, enhancing any savior complex we might come in with. By asking questions and allowing the writer to compartmentalize and attack her weaknesses, the consultant I sat in with broke through and got her to a significant level of comfort. That simple idea of building and focusing writers and their prospective levels of confidence intrigues me. I feel it is my job to, instead of acting like the all-knowing writer tutor extraordinaire, help writers see where I am coming from, in order to gain new bits of perspective off their unique sets of skills. I am beginning to see my apprehension about this opportunity lifting, and the confusion which is taking its place feels like a family reunion with complete strangers. Easy going, and yet you really don't know why. :)

Head Full Of Ether.

There are always going to be conflicting schools of thought, in regards to any matter of significance. Republicans battle Democrats over everything, ranging from universal health care to trivial matters of ethical one-upmanship. Parents and children wage constant wars, while still finding time to love one another. Conflict and resolution is ingrained in us. With this in mind, I come into this experience in the Writing Center a little nervous about what to expect. I can be an overly dynamic personality at times, finding myself consumed with passion for the things I enjoy. Somewhere down the line, this fact could prove to be relatively interesting in regards to interpersonal relations. However, after my first couple of classes in 303, along with my very first trip to the Writing Center, I feel confident my eccentricities will be channeled in a positive matter during this experience.
One of my biggest pet peeves in life, is when the concept of being an intellectual goes hand in hand with the art of being ineffectual. A lot of the time, there is a disconnect between theory and practice. Reading every book in the world does not prepare you for the rigors of real life. One thousand self-help manuals will never, ever, lessen the blow of losing a loved one, facing a serious illness, or anything of this respect. It takes the wonderful lessons learned through trial and error, mixed with the willingness to obtain knowledge, to overcome the obstacles of our reality. Walking in to this situation, I was very afraid of facing a group of peers distracted by the task of being intelligent. Yet, through rousing conversations and the like, I am starting to realize this preconception was a complete error on my part.
First of all, I am quite pleased to see the passion which people are attacking this learning process with. It is absolutely refreshing to see a group of budding professionals, pushing themselves to analyze and question what is being taught. This inquisitive nature is not just confined to our classroom. Walking into the Writing Center for the first time, I caught a glimpse of why this group of students seems to be so special. Everybody I met seemed like a self-starter, relaxed enough to joke around, yet constantly up to the task of helping students. Also, every veteran, between helping students and conversing, was (gasp) reading! I don't care if it was homework or a cheap mystery novel. The simple fact that everyone had their nose in a book, showcased love, or at least a deep admiration, for the craft of writing. I have not been able to sit in on a consultation yet, however, from what I overheard, this concept of literary respect carries over. The questions seemed to have a genuine purpose and care to them, which is very comforting to see. With such a small amount of time being spent in there so far, I can't draw any real conclusions quite yet. However, I feel like I am supposed to be filled with hundreds of questions at this point. With this being said, I am ready and willing to attack the next semester with an open mind. And, I probably will have an open, flapping mouth as well.