Sometimes, we as human beings forget the innate joy which comes from the simple act of embracing confusion. Giving up the illusion of control, in order to just ride the crashing waves to where they may lead, is an essential piece of the wonderment of life. Diving into this education thing, I am experiencing a version of this disorienting concept. Sleep is fleeting, life is charging in from all sides, and I am smiling nonetheless. Here is where I begin my journey into the world of Writing Center consulting. Despite my predisposition to mentally bouncing off of cumulus clouds, the reality and rush of this new experience is starting to shake me down to the concrete.
My second visit to the Writing Center was exponentially more eventful than the first. Invited to go along on a class visit, I immediately came to blows with one of my internal tics. I have an odd form of selective social anxiety, usually brought about by situations where I either; a) feel out of control, b) are out on display in a new context, and/or c) have to feign expertise. However, this occasion was very different. I enjoyed the opportunity of playing a small part in the process of getting our center out into the university consciousness. Despite my inability to stand still during the presentation, I felt very comfortable with the situation as a whole. This is probably due to the fact that I have a strong conviction in regards to the work I will be doing as a consultant. Writing holds a huge weight in my life, along with my internal/external processes. I feel excited to be able to share this passion in a constructive manner, meeting people from all walks of life, and bouncing my perspective off of them, hopefully receiving interesting results and reciprocation. This idea is throwing a roadblock in front of my normal idiotic insecurities, and is giving me access to a vital, new form of self-expression.
Now, on to the juice of the day. My first sit-in on a consultation was an eye-opening and, surprisingly, comfortable experience. The first thing I noticed was how similar this could be to my life as a salesperson. We are selling the idea to these writers, that they have the internal tools to improve and add dimensions to their writing. Through basic engagement and connection, we have the opportunity to cause mini-epiphanies, enhancing any savior complex we might come in with. By asking questions and allowing the writer to compartmentalize and attack her weaknesses, the consultant I sat in with broke through and got her to a significant level of comfort. That simple idea of building and focusing writers and their prospective levels of confidence intrigues me. I feel it is my job to, instead of acting like the all-knowing writer tutor extraordinaire, help writers see where I am coming from, in order to gain new bits of perspective off their unique sets of skills. I am beginning to see my apprehension about this opportunity lifting, and the confusion which is taking its place feels like a family reunion with complete strangers. Easy going, and yet you really don't know why. :)
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Justin--
ReplyDeleteI love the idea that you present here: embracing the confusion. I know the theory that we're reading right now can feel quite lofty--and I expect that. Later, we'll get to other readings that will provide us some solid ground to maneuver around on, but for now, I hope that people don't flail around in the uncertainty of things.
I'm glad to hear the class presentation turned out to be a positive experience for you. By next semester I would like the consultants to do most of our publicity. I think it's good for students to see who they'll be working with--not scary people with red pens waiting to attack. I also think it's important for consultants to be able to vocalize the work they do. It's not always comfortable, and students don't always pay attention (which can be frustrating). But at the end of the day, if a couple of students feel more comfortable about using our service, then we've done our job. As we talked about in class, it can really be all about the personal connections we make, with students and teachers.
And you've picked up on something intangible about the Center--there is a hint of magic at work. I can't explain it, but it's there. The students who have these epiphany-like moments in the Center are often what keep consultants coming back. Not every session is magical, though. But that's okay. Maybe the next one will be (for you and for that student).
Enjoy your weekend!
mk